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maybe I should not tell her after all. what was I thinking that day!! a singapore trip was supposed to be fun , but i think i ruined it after i get back. i think this is another same mistake i made yet again.. ever since i came back here in penang, i felt our conversation is getting lesser, and im starting to lost myself as in how to start a conversation with her. yet another failure.. hopefully right now floorball can cheer me up..

time for some update

There is up and down in everyone career. I reached my high when I was in form 3. During that time, I can still remember that I work my sock off during PMR. I did a lot of exercises for most of the subjects including my weakest subject that time Kemahiran Hidup. And the outcome? I scored straight As. That was my highest point in my career.

Now that I am in university, I am supposed to at least do well but things get worse as time moves on. My results dropped during my first year third semester and its being downhill since. My results never improved and I never put much efforts despite I kn0w that I cannot afford to do that. Now that my appeal was unsuccessful, I have to think of something else to do.

I have no intention of leaving Kampar at the moment, because I have found my buddies here, play futsal, badminton, watch football and etc. I enjoyed my time here and I intended to stay here at least until they graduate. These friends of mine know exactly what had happened to me and they don't really bother bout that. Another reason is I found someone that I like here. I think I only realized her after my friend birthday. And since then I searched for her fb. Out of the sudden, I noticed her birthday was around the corner and in instant, I thought of buying some gift for her. After that we are in constant communication with each other. However, the weakness in me is that whenever I face the person that I like, I would become nervous, my mind would suddenly become blank and fail to find subject to talk about. That is definitely my weakness and I always know that. So actually I try to create conversation, through messaged I am no problem. If through phone call, I doubt that, face to face, I think I am still okay but still the weak point is there. I wouldn't want to talk much about this, and I can only hope for now is that my career has reached to the lowest point. My mom especially worried about me, cause I am the youngest and I am actually the weakest in my family. My sisters though they are helping me a lot in my life. Its time to move on for me. I did not relate this thing to even my best friends yet because I wouldn't know what would be their reaction. I am ashamed of myself too for causing myself into this deep trouble. But for now, I have to face the truth and I will back penang soon. Hopefully I can have "good" time in penang while thinking of my future.

Its 4.44am, I couldn't sleep because thinking that I will be back penang soon and wondering what will I get when I get back home and also because I miss her. When would I tell her about my feeling?? Only when the time has come and my guts is strong enough. Time to get some rest.

Floorball-mania

Recently, I found myself back hometown for one reason, which was to play floorball with ma bestie Calvin. Nick was supposed to join but he was busy with his Rotaract, meaning he skipped most of the training session. Now that our captain, Penny started to call him Shrek and make fun of that in my last time out which was 2 weeks ago. Now that this week I will be back for training, I am actually starting to hook up with this sport. 26th March will be my first involvement as a Contact player and I will train harder for this week training. Besides preparing for the league which starts at May, I personally want to improve on my skills because I know I am at line 3, sooner or later if I work hard, I can be promoted to line 2. Competition is getting higher so therefore I could not afford to lose my place in Contact line up. Another tournament in April which will be Dalat International could be my setting point of my performance before the league starts. I will try ma best i every training session I participate..

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I don't care who the shit you are. End of story.

fuiyoh.. long time no updates

After a long time, just a quickie. All didn't really went accordingly though but at least I'm satisfied with how I am now. Results not that good but finals need to perform 2x than i did for the recent tests. So far only can score in language subject but if comes to my core subject?? sweat. Obviously I am weak but well, in life it is not necessary about exam. What I do enjoy the MOST now is freedom! well, I meant more time for me to play and do whatever I want. Well, that really suits me most. Well, anyhow, I seriously need to do well in Biodiversity and Properties of Matter. Next is industrial training which if can opt to work in Penang. I need to find factory nearby and damn UTAR for listing quite a number of company in penang. lol. anyhow, finals is coming. need to start work hard now.!!

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I feel too much pressure to live in this world. And so far i am not able to handle this pressure that much. Sometimes i wonder though why do we born and live in this tiny little world with little direction? Or perhaps we're just born to live, enjoy, work and die peaceful in later age. I don't find it amusing. I don't know. I'm blur.

F I E R C E!! rawr..

Yeah. This word kept appear to me. It seems that my friends here refer me as fierce because of my look? I don't know and as far as I am concerned, I am not fierce. My hometown friends never acknowledge me as fierce knowing them for years. And I want to reinstate that I am not fierce. Don't always judge a book by its cover. And I am tired of telling you all that I am not fierce. Stop calling me that k? And since you keep refer me to that, I might consider to act as if I am fierce to them unless they stop calling me that. ==