Fated

Every time I look at her profile, I would always think that "wouldn't it be wonderful that if she's mine". My heart often feel uncomfortable because the person she's with wasn't me. I always feel that her bf is lucky to have her as compared to me. With that type of qualification, no wonder they are such a sweet and match couple. Her bf is currently pursuing in Master in Mechanical Engineering while she is doing Master in Law in Leeds. Mind the word "Master", the guy is definitely a great guy. What else can I compare with him if I was to think that way. Definitely I am not qualified. Come to think way back during the schooling life, I was raised from a medium family, not that rich family. Being the youngest too, when I had a crush on her, no one can provide any guidance for me for this type of relationship. I was often confined in my house and only allowed to hang out with friends depending on situation. During that time, I only know how to keep this feeling within me, and even after leaving the school, I did not take this opportunity to really tackle her. I lack of knowledge, motivation, guidance to how really chase a girl. Eventually, she went to INTI in Nilai for further her studies. To be honest, my conversation with her during high school was pretty limited due to the fact that I was too shy to converse with her. Therefore, we lacked communication during our schooling life and I only start having conversation through msn. Maybe I was that type of person which in virtual life, I am more active and more talkative than I am in reality life. Even during the gathering, we did not talk much, just a couple of word of this and that. What else I can say now is regret. I have this crush on this girl for 10 years now and I wouldn't want to imagine in future I will be attending her wedding with another person. My heart ache, and at the same time happy for her that she has found her mr.right. While as for me, I need to brush up for my future. First, education, career, both still far within my grasp. How long will I be independent? If I am to wed as I had planned before which was around late 20s, I need to find a secure job and start saving. No girl would want a guy who has no stable future and career. And What would my crush think of me if she really knows my situation. I know she wouldn't look down on me, but I am already looking down at myself. I miss her. I regretted that I did not dare to chase after her during my schooling time. Every time I look at her profile, I would slap myself for all the things that I did not manage to fulfill. Its time for reality check. 

HARD WORK!!!

Today we won against Frontliners by a scoreline 11-5. we were losing 3-0 at one point and i can see that everyone mood suddenly dropped. But within few minutes, we silence the Frontliners by scoring 7 goals in a space of 5 minutes if i am not mistaken.. these 7 goals totally destroy Frontliners mental... after that, we managed to maintain our lead and win 11-5. however, in this game, Coach Ed had reminded us that hard working was very important in that match. the reason for the team to come because they work hard to score goals.. I have to admit that my first period performance was my one of the worst performance in my league appearances. I did not work hard, I loss ball cheaply and offensively I am not good enough.. next week against Firebrands, Calvin and Ben might not make it.. So, I have to take extra role in Calvin's place. That means, i need to put in more hard work against the fastest team in the league. they maybe young but they have energy and speed to outbeat us. we can never look them down... I promise myself to put in more hard work for coming march~!

next update

Things going well for now. In term of studies, I have enrolled to Wawasan Open U, a Gerakan's U.. Seems that I must involved in political University. Anyhow, I started with 2 subjects this semester, one is management, and another is writing. To be fair, I am quite slow to get use to their online thingy, such as pass up the assignment online, and then the turnitin. And I personally thinks that Turnitin is a great platform to tackle plagiarism. https://www.turnitin.com/ which compare your work with other online sources or with other students work. If the percentage similarity is high, that means that you have copied the information from somewhere else and you need to amend it. And I think every U should adopt to this as this is one way to tackle plagiarism. Assignments 1 already passed up, now gotta start my secnd part of assignment dy.

Second thing is floorball. The floorball season starts early this time. And we have played 2 games already now and won both matches. And I have to say that I am now more mature during the game. As last season was my first season, this second season looks set to unleash my new me and I have scored 2 goals already now. Last season I only managed a goal, so to get 2 goals already is one positive achievement. Now I need to focus on remaining 5 matches and score more goals to help Contact win gold this season.

In term of life, now work part time at Meet Fresh in Gurney Paragon. So far, I have been working well at there, I knew people who works there, they are friendly including my manager who hired me. When I first went for the first interview, I knew he would be a nice person, and he definitely did not disappoint me. So, as I continue to work there, I try to put more efforts as I've been working for 2 weeks already. I'm not sure whether I will work for how long more there as my parents have been nagging me not to work there and find a much more secure job as in work in office hour. Now is not that I don't want, but I enjoyed my working there. My friends there were amazing, friendly. I don't want to leave the job after taking this job for 2 weeks. That is just not me. If i wan, i will continue to work longer. I know I work part time which means short term basis, but that does not mean i have to work such short period and leave. How would people see me next time if I were to apply for job. This is what we call commitment and now I have commitment to my work.

-no title-

maybe I should not tell her after all. what was I thinking that day!! a singapore trip was supposed to be fun , but i think i ruined it after i get back. i think this is another same mistake i made yet again.. ever since i came back here in penang, i felt our conversation is getting lesser, and im starting to lost myself as in how to start a conversation with her. yet another failure.. hopefully right now floorball can cheer me up..

time for some update

There is up and down in everyone career. I reached my high when I was in form 3. During that time, I can still remember that I work my sock off during PMR. I did a lot of exercises for most of the subjects including my weakest subject that time Kemahiran Hidup. And the outcome? I scored straight As. That was my highest point in my career.

Now that I am in university, I am supposed to at least do well but things get worse as time moves on. My results dropped during my first year third semester and its being downhill since. My results never improved and I never put much efforts despite I kn0w that I cannot afford to do that. Now that my appeal was unsuccessful, I have to think of something else to do.

I have no intention of leaving Kampar at the moment, because I have found my buddies here, play futsal, badminton, watch football and etc. I enjoyed my time here and I intended to stay here at least until they graduate. These friends of mine know exactly what had happened to me and they don't really bother bout that. Another reason is I found someone that I like here. I think I only realized her after my friend birthday. And since then I searched for her fb. Out of the sudden, I noticed her birthday was around the corner and in instant, I thought of buying some gift for her. After that we are in constant communication with each other. However, the weakness in me is that whenever I face the person that I like, I would become nervous, my mind would suddenly become blank and fail to find subject to talk about. That is definitely my weakness and I always know that. So actually I try to create conversation, through messaged I am no problem. If through phone call, I doubt that, face to face, I think I am still okay but still the weak point is there. I wouldn't want to talk much about this, and I can only hope for now is that my career has reached to the lowest point. My mom especially worried about me, cause I am the youngest and I am actually the weakest in my family. My sisters though they are helping me a lot in my life. Its time to move on for me. I did not relate this thing to even my best friends yet because I wouldn't know what would be their reaction. I am ashamed of myself too for causing myself into this deep trouble. But for now, I have to face the truth and I will back penang soon. Hopefully I can have "good" time in penang while thinking of my future.

Its 4.44am, I couldn't sleep because thinking that I will be back penang soon and wondering what will I get when I get back home and also because I miss her. When would I tell her about my feeling?? Only when the time has come and my guts is strong enough. Time to get some rest.

Floorball-mania

Recently, I found myself back hometown for one reason, which was to play floorball with ma bestie Calvin. Nick was supposed to join but he was busy with his Rotaract, meaning he skipped most of the training session. Now that our captain, Penny started to call him Shrek and make fun of that in my last time out which was 2 weeks ago. Now that this week I will be back for training, I am actually starting to hook up with this sport. 26th March will be my first involvement as a Contact player and I will train harder for this week training. Besides preparing for the league which starts at May, I personally want to improve on my skills because I know I am at line 3, sooner or later if I work hard, I can be promoted to line 2. Competition is getting higher so therefore I could not afford to lose my place in Contact line up. Another tournament in April which will be Dalat International could be my setting point of my performance before the league starts. I will try ma best i every training session I participate..

No title

I don't care who the shit you are. End of story.