Fated

Every time I look at her profile, I would always think that "wouldn't it be wonderful that if she's mine". My heart often feel uncomfortable because the person she's with wasn't me. I always feel that her bf is lucky to have her as compared to me. With that type of qualification, no wonder they are such a sweet and match couple. Her bf is currently pursuing in Master in Mechanical Engineering while she is doing Master in Law in Leeds. Mind the word "Master", the guy is definitely a great guy. What else can I compare with him if I was to think that way. Definitely I am not qualified. Come to think way back during the schooling life, I was raised from a medium family, not that rich family. Being the youngest too, when I had a crush on her, no one can provide any guidance for me for this type of relationship. I was often confined in my house and only allowed to hang out with friends depending on situation. During that time, I only know how to keep this feeling within me, and even after leaving the school, I did not take this opportunity to really tackle her. I lack of knowledge, motivation, guidance to how really chase a girl. Eventually, she went to INTI in Nilai for further her studies. To be honest, my conversation with her during high school was pretty limited due to the fact that I was too shy to converse with her. Therefore, we lacked communication during our schooling life and I only start having conversation through msn. Maybe I was that type of person which in virtual life, I am more active and more talkative than I am in reality life. Even during the gathering, we did not talk much, just a couple of word of this and that. What else I can say now is regret. I have this crush on this girl for 10 years now and I wouldn't want to imagine in future I will be attending her wedding with another person. My heart ache, and at the same time happy for her that she has found her mr.right. While as for me, I need to brush up for my future. First, education, career, both still far within my grasp. How long will I be independent? If I am to wed as I had planned before which was around late 20s, I need to find a secure job and start saving. No girl would want a guy who has no stable future and career. And What would my crush think of me if she really knows my situation. I know she wouldn't look down on me, but I am already looking down at myself. I miss her. I regretted that I did not dare to chase after her during my schooling time. Every time I look at her profile, I would slap myself for all the things that I did not manage to fulfill. Its time for reality check. 

HARD WORK!!!

Today we won against Frontliners by a scoreline 11-5. we were losing 3-0 at one point and i can see that everyone mood suddenly dropped. But within few minutes, we silence the Frontliners by scoring 7 goals in a space of 5 minutes if i am not mistaken.. these 7 goals totally destroy Frontliners mental... after that, we managed to maintain our lead and win 11-5. however, in this game, Coach Ed had reminded us that hard working was very important in that match. the reason for the team to come because they work hard to score goals.. I have to admit that my first period performance was my one of the worst performance in my league appearances. I did not work hard, I loss ball cheaply and offensively I am not good enough.. next week against Firebrands, Calvin and Ben might not make it.. So, I have to take extra role in Calvin's place. That means, i need to put in more hard work against the fastest team in the league. they maybe young but they have energy and speed to outbeat us. we can never look them down... I promise myself to put in more hard work for coming march~!

next update

Things going well for now. In term of studies, I have enrolled to Wawasan Open U, a Gerakan's U.. Seems that I must involved in political University. Anyhow, I started with 2 subjects this semester, one is management, and another is writing. To be fair, I am quite slow to get use to their online thingy, such as pass up the assignment online, and then the turnitin. And I personally thinks that Turnitin is a great platform to tackle plagiarism. https://www.turnitin.com/ which compare your work with other online sources or with other students work. If the percentage similarity is high, that means that you have copied the information from somewhere else and you need to amend it. And I think every U should adopt to this as this is one way to tackle plagiarism. Assignments 1 already passed up, now gotta start my secnd part of assignment dy.

Second thing is floorball. The floorball season starts early this time. And we have played 2 games already now and won both matches. And I have to say that I am now more mature during the game. As last season was my first season, this second season looks set to unleash my new me and I have scored 2 goals already now. Last season I only managed a goal, so to get 2 goals already is one positive achievement. Now I need to focus on remaining 5 matches and score more goals to help Contact win gold this season.

In term of life, now work part time at Meet Fresh in Gurney Paragon. So far, I have been working well at there, I knew people who works there, they are friendly including my manager who hired me. When I first went for the first interview, I knew he would be a nice person, and he definitely did not disappoint me. So, as I continue to work there, I try to put more efforts as I've been working for 2 weeks already. I'm not sure whether I will work for how long more there as my parents have been nagging me not to work there and find a much more secure job as in work in office hour. Now is not that I don't want, but I enjoyed my working there. My friends there were amazing, friendly. I don't want to leave the job after taking this job for 2 weeks. That is just not me. If i wan, i will continue to work longer. I know I work part time which means short term basis, but that does not mean i have to work such short period and leave. How would people see me next time if I were to apply for job. This is what we call commitment and now I have commitment to my work.

-no title-

maybe I should not tell her after all. what was I thinking that day!! a singapore trip was supposed to be fun , but i think i ruined it after i get back. i think this is another same mistake i made yet again.. ever since i came back here in penang, i felt our conversation is getting lesser, and im starting to lost myself as in how to start a conversation with her. yet another failure.. hopefully right now floorball can cheer me up..

time for some update

There is up and down in everyone career. I reached my high when I was in form 3. During that time, I can still remember that I work my sock off during PMR. I did a lot of exercises for most of the subjects including my weakest subject that time Kemahiran Hidup. And the outcome? I scored straight As. That was my highest point in my career.

Now that I am in university, I am supposed to at least do well but things get worse as time moves on. My results dropped during my first year third semester and its being downhill since. My results never improved and I never put much efforts despite I kn0w that I cannot afford to do that. Now that my appeal was unsuccessful, I have to think of something else to do.

I have no intention of leaving Kampar at the moment, because I have found my buddies here, play futsal, badminton, watch football and etc. I enjoyed my time here and I intended to stay here at least until they graduate. These friends of mine know exactly what had happened to me and they don't really bother bout that. Another reason is I found someone that I like here. I think I only realized her after my friend birthday. And since then I searched for her fb. Out of the sudden, I noticed her birthday was around the corner and in instant, I thought of buying some gift for her. After that we are in constant communication with each other. However, the weakness in me is that whenever I face the person that I like, I would become nervous, my mind would suddenly become blank and fail to find subject to talk about. That is definitely my weakness and I always know that. So actually I try to create conversation, through messaged I am no problem. If through phone call, I doubt that, face to face, I think I am still okay but still the weak point is there. I wouldn't want to talk much about this, and I can only hope for now is that my career has reached to the lowest point. My mom especially worried about me, cause I am the youngest and I am actually the weakest in my family. My sisters though they are helping me a lot in my life. Its time to move on for me. I did not relate this thing to even my best friends yet because I wouldn't know what would be their reaction. I am ashamed of myself too for causing myself into this deep trouble. But for now, I have to face the truth and I will back penang soon. Hopefully I can have "good" time in penang while thinking of my future.

Its 4.44am, I couldn't sleep because thinking that I will be back penang soon and wondering what will I get when I get back home and also because I miss her. When would I tell her about my feeling?? Only when the time has come and my guts is strong enough. Time to get some rest.

Floorball-mania

Recently, I found myself back hometown for one reason, which was to play floorball with ma bestie Calvin. Nick was supposed to join but he was busy with his Rotaract, meaning he skipped most of the training session. Now that our captain, Penny started to call him Shrek and make fun of that in my last time out which was 2 weeks ago. Now that this week I will be back for training, I am actually starting to hook up with this sport. 26th March will be my first involvement as a Contact player and I will train harder for this week training. Besides preparing for the league which starts at May, I personally want to improve on my skills because I know I am at line 3, sooner or later if I work hard, I can be promoted to line 2. Competition is getting higher so therefore I could not afford to lose my place in Contact line up. Another tournament in April which will be Dalat International could be my setting point of my performance before the league starts. I will try ma best i every training session I participate..

No title

I don't care who the shit you are. End of story.

fuiyoh.. long time no updates

After a long time, just a quickie. All didn't really went accordingly though but at least I'm satisfied with how I am now. Results not that good but finals need to perform 2x than i did for the recent tests. So far only can score in language subject but if comes to my core subject?? sweat. Obviously I am weak but well, in life it is not necessary about exam. What I do enjoy the MOST now is freedom! well, I meant more time for me to play and do whatever I want. Well, that really suits me most. Well, anyhow, I seriously need to do well in Biodiversity and Properties of Matter. Next is industrial training which if can opt to work in Penang. I need to find factory nearby and damn UTAR for listing quite a number of company in penang. lol. anyhow, finals is coming. need to start work hard now.!!

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I feel too much pressure to live in this world. And so far i am not able to handle this pressure that much. Sometimes i wonder though why do we born and live in this tiny little world with little direction? Or perhaps we're just born to live, enjoy, work and die peaceful in later age. I don't find it amusing. I don't know. I'm blur.

F I E R C E!! rawr..

Yeah. This word kept appear to me. It seems that my friends here refer me as fierce because of my look? I don't know and as far as I am concerned, I am not fierce. My hometown friends never acknowledge me as fierce knowing them for years. And I want to reinstate that I am not fierce. Don't always judge a book by its cover. And I am tired of telling you all that I am not fierce. Stop calling me that k? And since you keep refer me to that, I might consider to act as if I am fierce to them unless they stop calling me that. ==

update soon

I'll update soon once I find my free time.

Kampar doomed???

2 tragedy happened in Kampar in a space of a week. The first was the suspension bridge in Kuala Dipang collapsed causing 3 pupils to drown while few days later, 3 UTAR students was swept away by strong current during their waterfall outing.

While I didnt really pay attention to the first tragedy, but the second tragedy really caught my eye as it involved my UTAR colleague as well. The trio, James Khor Wan Kai, 20; Yew Shy Gin, 19 and Yew Ghim Chnieh, 20 drown in the incident. It is really a tragic news and never expect such tragedy to happen though. As i remembered, that day was stormy and cloudy and their decision to continue with their plan take their life. The body of three of them were found in separate time as the last one was spotted at around 12am. Here is the news from the star news publication.

Monday November 2, 2009
Three Utar students drown at waterfall, a fourth rescued
By IVAN LOH and CHAN LI LEEN

KAMPAR: A second tragedy has struck here, hardly a week after the Kuala Dipang bridge collapse took three young lives.

Three Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman undergraduates drowned after they were swept away by strong current at the Batu Berangkai waterfalls yesterday.

The dead have been identified as James Khor Wan Kai, 20; Yew Shy Gin, 19 and Yew Ghim Chnieh, 20.

A fourth student was rescued by a villager.

The four had gone to the picnic spot for a swim at about 5pm.

Three of them had gone into the water and the fourth student was about to follow them when a sudden gush of water caused him to tumble in.

A Kampar villager, who saw this, rushed over and pulled out the fourth student.

Perak executive councillor Datuk Dr Mah Hang Soon, who related the story to newsmen, said the survivor — 22-year-old second-year accountancy student — declined to speak to the press and did not want to be named.

He suffered cuts and bruises.

At about 9.40pm, nearby villagers found Khor’s body while Yew’s body was found at 11.10pm, one kilometre from where they went into the water.

Their bodies have been sent to the Kampar Hospital.

Businessman Syed Farudi Syed Samsuddin, who saw the three students being swept away by the strong current, said their hands and legs were bobbing in the water.

Syed Farudi, 41, from Mambang Diawan, said he could see that they were struggling.

“There was nothing I could do,” he said.

It happened so fast, he said, adding that it had been raining heavily before the incident occurred.

The Batu Berangkai picnic spot is 15km from where three pupils drowned after a suspension bridge collapsed over Sungai Kampar last Monday.

From what i can learn here is that we must appreciate our life and decision making is important in our life. When we encounter incident like this, where the weather was cloudy and stormy, we of course will not take the risk by going to such place, waterfall or any other place which poses danger. We must love our life because we all can die one time only. And that moment can cause a lot of people to upset and so on. We must think of our beloved one and don't make them sad. Therefore, safety always comes first in no matter what we do.

I would like to express my condolences to the family of trio James Khor Wan Kai, 20; Yew Shy Gin, 19 and Yew Ghim Chnieh, 20 and may you rest in peace. For the lucky survivor, hopefully you are tough enough to face this tragedy and go on with your life. You should treasure your life and love the people who is around you. I hope that Kampar will not have another incident which causes death in near future or everyone will thought Kampar is doomed!

alcohol beverages

Tonight i spent some time with my friends drinking some alcoholic beverages. Actually supposed to be yesterday but due to some reason it was brought forward to today and initial plan was just drinking beer and chit chatting. After that, my room mate suggested to bring whisky to be drank at the shop. then, i had few cup of whisky and we actually had a good night there. All of us crap none stop and watch football in the mean time. I had rarely experience this kind of life in Kampar and really pleased at least I can have good time with my friends. =)

Summary

Before I said much, I'll summarize events that had been highlighting myself for past months. From what I can remember, i shall talk about something that I consider this as nightmare. Probably it could be due to some minor misunderstanding which led this thing to become big. I would say it first started when i commented something on S post at facebook. We both commented as if there is a debating is going on. Things got worse when our comments heated up. Then, ini A from silent mode because talkative mode and started the nonsense comments. We both argued and then usual conflicts happened. This is just a short summary about what had happened that time.. From what i can tell now is me, A and S do not get along now which i feel satisfy about it. I feel great about that actually.

Second thing to say is i am in a relationship now and the lucky girl that i am with is Jiang Chin. ^^.. honestly, from what i can say, she is one of the type that i like. personal interest. hehe. And actually began to know her more during about sem 3 of foundation year. We got closer during our degree course although we not all not having the same class mostly. And had a greater feeling when we chatting with each other.. and during my sem break, i actually asked her to be my gf.. She took few days to consider though and im actually happy that she said yes to be my gf.. yipee.. lol.. Erm, as for now, i really have nothing to say.. but all the ups and downs happen all the time and we gotta do is face the problems and amend it if there is something wrong.. And i gotta learn to be more responsible in what i do though. I hope i wont encounter the problems i face like i explained earlier.

Change to new blog

I have decided to change to blogger from my previously blogdrive. And I personally think that by changing to blogger, it would load much faster compared to blogdrive and besides it is much convenient to write and edit the blog which is not so complicated as blogdrive. So, I would try after changing to blogger I would be more active in writing blog.