time for some update

There is up and down in everyone career. I reached my high when I was in form 3. During that time, I can still remember that I work my sock off during PMR. I did a lot of exercises for most of the subjects including my weakest subject that time Kemahiran Hidup. And the outcome? I scored straight As. That was my highest point in my career.

Now that I am in university, I am supposed to at least do well but things get worse as time moves on. My results dropped during my first year third semester and its being downhill since. My results never improved and I never put much efforts despite I kn0w that I cannot afford to do that. Now that my appeal was unsuccessful, I have to think of something else to do.

I have no intention of leaving Kampar at the moment, because I have found my buddies here, play futsal, badminton, watch football and etc. I enjoyed my time here and I intended to stay here at least until they graduate. These friends of mine know exactly what had happened to me and they don't really bother bout that. Another reason is I found someone that I like here. I think I only realized her after my friend birthday. And since then I searched for her fb. Out of the sudden, I noticed her birthday was around the corner and in instant, I thought of buying some gift for her. After that we are in constant communication with each other. However, the weakness in me is that whenever I face the person that I like, I would become nervous, my mind would suddenly become blank and fail to find subject to talk about. That is definitely my weakness and I always know that. So actually I try to create conversation, through messaged I am no problem. If through phone call, I doubt that, face to face, I think I am still okay but still the weak point is there. I wouldn't want to talk much about this, and I can only hope for now is that my career has reached to the lowest point. My mom especially worried about me, cause I am the youngest and I am actually the weakest in my family. My sisters though they are helping me a lot in my life. Its time to move on for me. I did not relate this thing to even my best friends yet because I wouldn't know what would be their reaction. I am ashamed of myself too for causing myself into this deep trouble. But for now, I have to face the truth and I will back penang soon. Hopefully I can have "good" time in penang while thinking of my future.

Its 4.44am, I couldn't sleep because thinking that I will be back penang soon and wondering what will I get when I get back home and also because I miss her. When would I tell her about my feeling?? Only when the time has come and my guts is strong enough. Time to get some rest.