Every time I look at her profile, I would always think that "wouldn't it be wonderful that if she's mine". My heart often feel uncomfortable because the person she's with wasn't me. I always feel that her bf is lucky to have her as compared to me. With that type of qualification, no wonder they are such a sweet and match couple. Her bf is currently pursuing in Master in Mechanical Engineering while she is doing Master in Law in Leeds. Mind the word "Master", the guy is definitely a great guy. What else can I compare with him if I was to think that way. Definitely I am not qualified. Come to think way back during the schooling life, I was raised from a medium family, not that rich family. Being the youngest too, when I had a crush on her, no one can provide any guidance for me for this type of relationship. I was often confined in my house and only allowed to hang out with friends depending on situation. During that time, I only know how to keep this feeling within me, and even after leaving the school, I did not take this opportunity to really tackle her. I lack of knowledge, motivation, guidance to how really chase a girl. Eventually, she went to INTI in Nilai for further her studies. To be honest, my conversation with her during high school was pretty limited due to the fact that I was too shy to converse with her. Therefore, we lacked communication during our schooling life and I only start having conversation through msn. Maybe I was that type of person which in virtual life, I am more active and more talkative than I am in reality life. Even during the gathering, we did not talk much, just a couple of word of this and that. What else I can say now is regret. I have this crush on this girl for 10 years now and I wouldn't want to imagine in future I will be attending her wedding with another person. My heart ache, and at the same time happy for her that she has found her mr.right. While as for me, I need to brush up for my future. First, education, career, both still far within my grasp. How long will I be independent? If I am to wed as I had planned before which was around late 20s, I need to find a secure job and start saving. No girl would want a guy who has no stable future and career. And What would my crush think of me if she really knows my situation. I know she wouldn't look down on me, but I am already looking down at myself. I miss her. I regretted that I did not dare to chase after her during my schooling time. Every time I look at her profile, I would slap myself for all the things that I did not manage to fulfill. Its time for reality check.
